Guide to the Zoo Review

This is our completely biased guide to zoos we've visited across the U.S. We are not zoo or animal experts, but we can relay our experiences and comparisons.

As John travels across the U.S. to visit all the major league ballparks, I have insisted we visit the zoos in those cities as well. We will then share and rate our experiences at each zoo here. It will be based on a 5-star scale, with 1 being the worst and 5 the best.

This being said, there are a few outside factors you need to consider while reading my reviews: weather, hunger level and our annoyance with each other.

WEATHER: I don’t do heat very well. Any kind of heat. Hot, sweltering Texas heat, or mild, muggy Pittsburgh heat. So if I have sweat dripping down my back, my zoo experience will be affected. And that will probably affect some of the scores.

HUNGER LEVEL: We once made the mistake of not eating lunch before we went to the zoo. By the end of the trip, John was introduced to a different side of Jessica that I don’t like people to see. I didn’t even stick around to see the otter feeding—my favorite animal—I was so hungry! This hasn’t been too much of a factor, as we have learned to always eat before we go and pack a few zoo snacks. However if either of those are forgotten, the scores will likely decrease.

ANNOYANCE LEVEL: We don’t generally get annoyed with each other, so this really isn’t much of a factor at all. If any of the aforementioned issues appear, then I might be more easily annoyed. John’s pretty levelheaded though, even through my complaining! He’s come up with his own Jessica Complaining Scale, which may or may not be included with each review. That scale will be on a 1-10, 10 being the most complaining, but he’s already said I will never score below a 5. During our last trip to the Pittsburgh Zoo (when it was SUPER muggy), my level was apparently a 35. So now you get how the scale works.